Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Why do you let your kid wear that? Advice to a Gradma

My daughter told me about your gay family store and I luckily, I think, found your BLOG. I don't understand why you are making these shirts. These are babies for christ sake. Why do they need to be made into little billboards. Why are you making them be just like you? Or worse, targets. I asked my daughter what I should get her for her shower. She is pregnant. They are having a baby and I love them. She asked for your shirt that says "My mommies Rule". I can't do it. Can you help me understand why this is so important to her? Mom of a lesbian.

Dear Mom of a lesbian - let me try to explain:
We are not making clothing that offends OR endangers
ALL of our designs - we hope-
are funny, light and can be worn to daycare, preschool and soccer practice
We made this line of gay baby clothing
because there was nothing
8 years ago that fit
our family
and we deserve to be proud of our family and feel connected
Like your daughter does
"my mom and dad went to Orlando and brought me this T..."
just doesn't fit you see
The world is a heterosexual place
and we are the minority
we wanted a light and humorous place
for our kids and extended family
to feel empowered
have a giggle

Your daughter, I assume
wants the same for her soon to be
a way to belong
and sure
make a statement
but a positive loving one
Nothing wrong with saying
I have a solid family that loves me!
and if some cool queer duds do this
then yay
life just got a bit more fun

I think the point here is to lighten up
I find that when I hide who I am, folks seem nervous and jumpy
but when it's right out there
and there is no secret or questioning
and no one is thinking - oh geez what do I say...
what do I call them
How to I refer to her...
everyone seems to just relax

I know this is not
what you were expecting to receive on your daughter's baby shower want list
but lets face it
although a lesbian baby shower is still a baby shower
it's clearly also got a new spin

So try to have fun with it
and have no fear
your daughter is happy, pregnant and about to create a miracle
she and her partner will rule
Let them show it!

Top 10 Gay and lesbian baby shower gifts:

Have fun.
I am always here to help you shop!
How about a gaybyshower basket?

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

gay adoption agencies - advice

Dear Evolved Moms: My sister and her partner are in the process of trying to adopt domestically. They got some bad news today that the agency they have been working with has a new director who is not as open to placing children with "non-traditional families". She is heartbroken. I am trying to do some research about other agencies that are open to placing children with gay parents. Do you have any leads, advice? Thanks very much. Beth

Dear Beth: You rock. Love the support from families!!

There are many agencies that "work" with gay families.
There are many agencies that do this secretly
and others overtly
some are Proud to have us
others seem to do this with bile in their throats
Some states are openly supportive - not too many
Some states outright ban it
So here is what I know:
Friends in adoption (FIA) in Vermont and
the Independent Adoption Center (many offices)
are the biggest and most supportive that I know of
I have only worked personally with FIA
and I know they pour their hearts and souls into each case
Gay straight single married old young
same same same to them

That being said.
I live in a VERY cool state
we went with FIA - in Vermont
another very cool state
we were out out out
Our son's call came from Louisiana
a way uncool state (for this kinda stuff)
thus the rub
complications came up
homestudy needed to be rewritten
stress, time, stress

So here is what I think:
ask questions upfront
get referrals from friends
never promise anything you can't live with
when folks are desperate for a child they promise crazy things
specific religious practices
not to be out...
You must feel comfortable
this WILL BE stressful so you need to feel cared for and loved
if not - move on to the next agency on your list

do not settle
do not compromise
do not allow yourself to be bullied.
and then call FIA and the International Adoption Center and see if they know of a place
near you.

A child is out there - needing your sister as a mom

Gay adoption (noun) a happy festive event where a child joins a loving and amazingly hip two mom or two dad or single gay mum or papa house. Much love and giggles ensue.
Gay Adoption (alt def) a much misunderstood and amazingly threatening subculture which actively scares the shit out of many conservatives and most Republicans.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

Lady Kenmore

We bought a house
in a small town
with safe streets and playgrounds
We researched
we worried
close enough to work
to our son's ballet school
to their new school
to civilization
The house is perfect
enough room for us all
no major issues that taste,
IKEA and paint can't resolve
Looks a bit Brady but I can live with it
cute yard
walkable to a swimming lake
ice cream shop
even a place to visit horses and pet goats
close enough to Target and Wholefoods too
But my heart is racing
Even though it's still Massachusetts
How will we be received
After all of this time
protests, activism, being OUT OUT OUT
I still worry
about the gay thing
about having a black son
a bi-racial daughter
a wife
in a small town
We deserve this town
My kids deserve to feel safe
My wife deserves peace
I know it's hip
I saw organic drinks at the pizza shop
a bulletin board had ads for Yoga and crunchy kid activities
but I worry
Difference is amazing
Difference is scary
Difference is empowering and freeing
and difference is hard
it will be wonderful
And my heart will pound
until we settle
until I settle
until I we land
and remember
that inherently
people are good

In the kitchen
the original dishwasher still lives
"Lady Kenmore" it reads
we laughed
Perfect don't you think?
somethings are just a sign
peace will come

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Is my child having a gender issue? Advice to a worried family

Dear Evolved Moms: I was not sure who could help me. I am so freaked out. I am a straight mom (with a husband and three daughters - and one son - hope I can post here). My son, who is 10, keeps telling me he does not want to have a penis. He pee's sitting down and seems extremely quiet. My husband is devastated and does not want me to talk about it. What does this all mean? Is he gay? Does he want to be a girl? What should I do? -Patricia
Dear Patricia,
Of course you can post here! I am so glad you found us! All are welcome!
Okay - so here is what I think.
Many things might be happening here
or nothing at all
1) In a house of 3 sisters and a mom
even with a dad
your son might just want to be like you and your daughters
a compliment
I am sure you are all his heroes
2) Lets face it
most men really do not speak much
about sexuality
their anatomy
or share their feelings about these things - even with their sons
maybe he needs some hearts to hearts with dad about loving himself
and what guys are all about
3) Around this age
the penis begins to act up
saluting when you least want it
odd dreams and feelings
Clearly I am no expert
but I am sure it is quite embarrassing
and hard to control
Maybe a big embarrassing moment took place?
Boys in the locker room
or a first encounter
an erection at the chalk board?
4) Maybe he is have some gender questioning
but clearly you are a loving mom
if he is - talk to him
make sure dad listens and supports too
Find some great books, a therapist - for you guys to sort out your thoughts
has this been a long term issue or just this week?
I'd love to hear more
5) best news - he is telling you how he feels
so clearly you are in
and he trusts you
so talk to him
gay straight
boy girl
rich poor
lawyer or juggler
you will love him
your job is to support him
and assist him in his life
I know you will be amazing
because you took the time to listen to him
and reach out
please stay in touch
Evolved Mom - Stacey

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