Friday, September 26, 2008

complaints - advice to grumpy daddy

This sunday is nutcracker auditions
Zion can speak of nothing else
he wants to be Fritz - but is probably too young
emotional fall out to come...
we will see
at first I was dreading it all a bit
hours upon hours of driving, waiting, dinner in the car
rehearsals going late
schlepping our younger one along
but then today I received an advice question
from a very grumpy daddy in Log Angeles

He writes: Dear Evolved Moms, it seems that school has only just begun and my husband I are have become chauffeurs again. Drive to soccer, pick up from school, playdates - it never ends. I want my life back! How can we streamline this parenting thing? Grumpy Dad

Suddenly life became clear again for me.
our job
as parents
is to balance
is to support
is to be a catalyst
for their lives and hopes and dreams
Now, if your kid is just in too many activities
or their schedule is making homework and sleep complicated
that's another story...
But each kid had different needs
For Zion - 4 hours a week of ballet (soon to be 5)
is is zen space
his peaceful place
this balances him
and I should be - and am thankful that he found something he loves this much.
letting him push himself
and supporting where he wants to go
isn't that our job?
who am I to stand i the way of his progress
I am not pushing him to go
and I also should never
make his dreams hard to reach
beacuse I "don't feel like it"
this is his dream

we all have them too

signing up to parent
is a bit like signing up to be a chauffeur
party planner
organizational therapist
but that is also the best art

grumpy dad - you must chill
you must learn to help them grow and still have a life
if driving them to school is one of your stressors you have a lot to rethink about your scheduling..

Cheers to the future soccer players
ballet dancers
presidents (we could sue a new one eh?)

Here to the future
I hope we all do our best helping them get there.


Evolved Mom Stacey

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Houdini Dog

Okay, so now I need advice.
Each weekend we pack up the kids
and mike the dog
and drive to p-town to our little shop
I thought it might be good to get a portable crate (lightweight...)
so I did not have to bring the metal one each time
15 minute into the adventure
I hear him wrestling in the crate
but I know he is in there
I zipped it myself
and then I see something in the rear view
on top of the luggage!
He had smushed his nose a certain way and unzipped it.
We pull over
tie the ends of the zipper together
10 minute later
Houdini dog says hello
and scare the shit out of me
We resolve to keep him in the front as we finish our trip
Mike is thrilled
and the kids think it's hysterical
On Sunday
after have a "gay old time" on the cape
We stop at the x-ass tree shop and
purchase yet another more solid - yet portable crate
with 5 minutes has his nose out and is happily
climbing up to the front seat
kids cackling all the way
moms getting pissed
We but a pigs ear and tie the crate again
mike chews his way out in 5 minutes
35 dollars later
mike is happily being king
up in the front
with his gay mommies
and the kids are in tears of laughter and glee
Lesson: Dogs love the front seat
kids love to laugh at moms
P-town is for the whole family
give into the roller coaster of life
But, as we are going again on Friday
any advice of puppy restraint
or ways to deflect butch embarrassment
at not being able to restrain a tiny cockapoo
are welcome
Evolved Mom Stacey

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

facing fears - advice

Dear Evolved Moms:
I am just terrified, my son started Kindergarten this week. I can't sleep. I feel like we have created this safe, bias-free, empowering little world for him and now he is out there, alone and we are not there to help him. To guide him. To keep the assholes away from him. I find that I am picking him up early, finding excuses to keep him home. What do you think? I know I need to chill out, but it's hard. Thanks. J & J

Dear J & J:

Letting go is the hardest part of parenting. And the most important.
Assholes will exist.
At school
at work
on the playground
but if they never learn to stretch their self help muscles
how will they ever survive?
Fear is a really hard place to live - for any of us
Our daughter started K last week
I am afraid she is too tired - the day is long
she is shy
it is hard for her to say "no" to kids who might be unkind
some of the kids are amazing..
some of the families are amazing...
some might not be our cup of tea - but time will tell
we will guide her, but ultimately, she needs to make the right choices
and we have helped her and will continue to, as you have

it has been an interesting summer for all of us here
and fear at times has been a factor
but I have decided
at least for me
that living with fear
only inhibits my living
and all of those around me

I needed to say
I am longer going to live in fear of:
kid choices
taking huge risks
what anyone else thinks
things that really I have no control of anyway
or things I cannot grow without

Maybe you need a list too..
he will go
he will fall
he will get up
he will be powerfull
with his own wings
and you have helped him become powerful
let him fly
fear is no place to live...

Evolved Mom Stacey