Tuesday, June 24, 2008

do I look like I have a husband to you? - advice

Dear evolved moms: We have visited and applied to 3 preschools for our son. ALL of the forms for ALL of the school have applications which read mother and father. He has TWO DADS! Crossing off and filling in is just not enough. Can we send him to a school that cannot even handle this simple form change to be inclusive? Exasperated dads!

Dear Dads: Ugg!
I hear ya. The polite answer is yes.
you can send him
but you will also need to do some education around these issues
and about why they segregate and exclude GL families
Choose a school based on all of the issues
the education, comfort and feel
love to your child.....

okay - as I am not known for being polite
here is my other answer
I too and sick as hell
of the laziness and arrogance and heterosexism
that goes into moments like the ones you are dealing with
Schools, camps and companies need to wake up
and realize we all exist

There are times,
when we do not feel like educating
or as you say - crossing out and filling in
why should we?

This week I went to T-mobile
to get my wife a new phone
hers had broken
It had been a long day
I had two kids with me
and the clerk said
I was not an authorized user on the account
I said we were legally married
I had the Social security numbers and pins
finally she said
"your husband needs to come in to authorize you"
i just snapped

we just have to say it like it is
not pussy foot around the issues
speak your mind.

Am I advocating yelling
of course not
there were clearly better roads I could have taken
but sometimes
you just need to speak your mind

We'd love for our son to come here
but our family needs to be included in all ways
and that includes the forms

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

To parent or not to parent - advice to the unsure

At Boston Pride this weekend
a lesbian couple
came up to our booth to shop
talk, get some advice
They asked all the hard questions
can you have it all? how hard is parenting? what do you give up?
can you still have your time? freedom? travel?
do you ever regret having kids?

We all chatted for a while
one with Jessie, one with me, then all together

Simply put
parenting is hard
if you are good at it
committed and dedicated
it is harder than just about anything you can possibly imagine
and every parent
wants to strangle their kids from time to time
in the rough moments
(Although most will deny that and I don't know why)
with that said
we wouldn't change it for the world
parenting is hard
but it is also the most loving
powerful, exhilarating roller coaster ride
full of moments so wonderfully intense you cannot imagine
little triumphs making your world a better place and
giving you renewed hope in the universe and in humanity

My wife also made and amazing point
and I totally agree
that without being a parent
or having a very significant roll with children
one cannot fully evolve as an adult
and mature
and learn about ones self
(she said it better)

screw the army
this is the toughest job
and it's all love
and I would not change a thing

Evolved Mom - Stacey

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Monday, June 09, 2008

no time is wasted

When I was 17
I found a place where I belonged
cambridge mass
harvard square
just outside the train station
the pit
Mohawks and nose rings
skateboards and suspenders
london in america
we looked angry and tough
we were really smushy and goofy
and happy and no one really knew
how soft we were inside
none of us judged each other
we were all different
which made us all the same
runaways and rich kids
gay and straight and virginal and unsure
and no one
if I was a tomboy
blue haired
skateboarding girl
figuring myself out

My mother
hated it
all of it
the hair
the kids
the skateboarding
the tough look
the separateness of it all
the difference
for me
it was freedom
a place to work it all out

When my son's 8th birthday
was approaching
this year
I asked him
what kind of cake he wanted
a hip hop dance party AND
A skateboard park cake
awesome I said
I happen to be an expert in that area
No time in life is wasted
if we use each moment to the fullest

as parents we must accept all our kids have to show us
our job is to help them get to the next place
they need to be, where thay want to go
it is their journey
and I just feel so blessed
that sometimes
our adventures and life lessons

(Please note, that although my shirt looks preppy - those small white dots are actually skulls and I stole the shirt from my son - so all is still cool)


Wednesday, June 04, 2008

super mom?

Mommies and daddies

I have decided
are not allowed to pee
We do not always get a shower
we eat last
get up from the table more
sleep less
work harder
and wipe more shit
than nurses and farmers combined

Mommies and daddies
are last in line
and lets be honest
it not the most fun job
in the world

this month I have not written as much as I wanted too
bathed as much as I needed
sat through a whole meal
without being asked to get something else, or more, or different
or had enough
uninterrupted conversation
with my wife

on our anniversary (14th wedding)
our daughter had the flu
and was in the hospital

But then
right when I had tried to blog
for the 15th time
tried to take a bath
tried to get anything accomplished
right when I was sure I was about to
lose my mind

my daughter came in the room
and planted a sugary sticky chocolate filled kiss
right on my cheek
and told me she loves having
two mommies (and faries, horses, shells and our house!)
then our son's ballet teacher e-mailed and
told us how excellent he is doing

the world kind of froze in time
I suddenly realized
our dog no longer pulls on the leash when we walk him (which I hate)
the sky watered the plants for me so I didn't have to
and Jessie and I got to go to see
the True Colors Tour in Boston
stay out late
and act like silly 18 year old love sick kids
and no one fussed about us going
even though it was last minute
a sudden change
a really late night

I realized
I didn't care
If I never get to pee
If I smell like crap
If the kids whine
or if the dog pees in the house

I have the best job
in the freaking world
being mom to our brood
and our life
is full
of wet sticky gooey chocolaty kissing love
which happens to be my favorite kind and the
very best flavor
and I wouldn't change a thing

so I am pulling my cape on
and being super mom
and flying the kids to school

I have to pee
I have not showered
but I am wearing one hell of a smile!

cheers to mothers day past and fathers day coming!