Monday, June 12, 2006

real mother

I held him when he was 5 hours old
changed his first meconium poop
panicked at his first real injury - a hand caught in a treadmill (he was okay)
I have answered the call to every nightmare, recital, practice, tear and need
I have napped with, been napped upon, been up all night, been yelled at, and bear hugged
I have been blessed, loved, inspired by and fallen in love
with this boy
my son

last night
he said to me
as we were talking before bed
Are you my real mother?
a girl at school, who is also African American
told him I could not be - as I am white
and that his "real mother" could have kept him - if she wanted to

I knew the day would come
we have been very honest and open
yet still I dreaded hearing those words
wishing I could have been there and protected or moderated the moment
Yes baby - mommy and mama are your real mothers
You also have a birth mother
but a mother does not need to be called "real"
A mother loves you everyday, good or bad, and is there for all - everyday- forever

I waited for the next question. He looked like it was going to be a big one
one of the ones I have feared
Like why did she, or am I not good enough...
He looked at me so seriously and asked
what did the plane look like on your trip to get me?

All my worries.
All he needed was one question answered.
I am sure many more will come in time
and I will answer them all honestly

Today at school he walked up to his friend
I stood next to him and smiled at her
she is only 6
and not adopted - I know it is confusing
"real moms aren't the ones who give birth to you - they are ones that love you everyday"
he told her and then said to me
"I feel better mama"

Can you get more real than that?
what a blessing
I have been given

Monday, June 05, 2006

boys don't dance

Last night
as my son was going to bed
he told my wife that he no longer wanted to dance
Dancing has always been his love
his light
his freedom.
A boy a school
has been teasing him, bullying him
boys don't dance.
Do you want to dance she asked him?
Yes. Defiant. Unequivocal. Absolute.
I love it. I am going to be famous. I am going to be Simba.
I am a choreographer already mommy!

I told him when he awoke -eyes already serious with the memory of the teasing
That many people say things
out of ignorance - even grown ups say stupid things
Bush tells us that we should not be married
- but if we listened we would not be a family
some people say that people of different races should not live together, love together
-but then we would not have this amazing love - more powerful than most

Follow your heart I tell him
Do what you love, I am here

How do I protect him?
I can teach confidence - but the world tries to take it away
I can teach faith, Karma, believe, pride
But what do the other parents teach to their children?

I went to his school today
wanting to scream at this child, I wanted to break him
this child who hurt my child
but in truth, it is his parents who are at fault.

They are just creating another another brick in the chain of hate. Growing the seems of ignorance from the root up. at my son's expense.

Zion had one playdate with him - last week
When my partner arrived The parents were smoking cigarettes in the room with the children
Supervising them playing with "toy" machine guns simply clueless

What more can I do?
From now on, playdates are at our house
From now on I ask more questions
more then I ever thought I would have to

Zion - you will fly
keep on dreaming
we love you
and we will always be in the front row!