Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Lesbian baby shower advice

Dear Evolved Moms: My partner is expecting our first baby and I am planning the shower. I have never been to a baby shower and I am pretty sure that this is the first ever lesbian baby shower to ever happen in this part of Idaho. So we are pretty stuck. Do we invite only women and play it traditional? Where would I even find queer baby party favors? Can you help me out?? XOXO Too butch to know better.

Dear Butch: Never fear.
and congrats on the impending little tyke.

A lesbian baby shower, for one, is just a party - so relax. The best part of all of this is that you have already broken just about every rule there is to get this far in your life - and probably a few extra rules and laws I don't know about just from Idaho! You met a girl, shacked up, committed and are having a kid. So don't worry too much about the rules.

Must haves:
  • Everyone you love regardless of gender.
  • Way too much food to eat
  • A few silly games (hanging a crystal by a string over the prego belly to gender, etc)
  • We suggest some kind of memory book. We left out on a table tones of colorful index cards and glue and glitter and markers with a sign asking for everyone to write their best wishes to the baby - our son just loves to read the now - so cool!
  • Leave out a dozen white onesies with fabric paints and ask your friends to make some cool designs on abay clothing
  • can't forget a cute "my mommies rule" or "I was hatched by two chicks" or perhaps a lesbian maternity T shirt? (small me plug)
  • In terms of favors - any iparty would have some cute pink or blue babies to spread around the house - or on the cake - a few traditional items are fine.
  • I also suggest doing a bellycast - so cool for after the baby comes. Proud Body is a great place to get a good kit.
  • Music - try some Shawn Colvin or Joan Armatrading in the background.

I could go on and on. Look, all you need for a great queer baby shower is love, food and great music. Whether you are having a welcoming for an adopted child or a gay baby shower all gifts should come from your heart. Follow your heart, have a great time, don't follow the rules and send us some pics!

I love when the gay people breed!

Congtatz again!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Advice - Best ways to get a lesbian pregnant

I was sent an e-mail from a lesbian in Australia.
she wanted suggestions for boosting her chances of getting pregnant.

I just love my life - a lesbian being asked for advice on getting pregnant. Brilliant!

Okay - I actually tried for two years to get pregnant,
with significant medical intervention
to no avail
To this day I am convinced that my soon-to-be-born (adopted) son was cosmically standing on my fallopian tubes
denying entry to all sperm trespassers
for the second we quit trying, we got the call that he was born

My partner tried once and 5 days later was nauseous at my cooking
it was only broccoli!
But pregnant she was

So what did we learn from this?
Here is my best advice:

Get your body healthy - but don't go nuts
Open your mind and body to it
Many dykes - like me - could never even say the word SPERM
If you are not open to it I am convinced it will not stick
If sperm yucks you out - ask your GYN to do it
if you're totally grossed out you probably won't do a good job of it
- and she may just charge you for an office visit, ours did!
Follow your body - if you are stressed, have been trying for too many months, feeling unsure - take a month or two off
IMPORTANT - don't tell anyone, except your girl if you have one, that you are trying
Nothing causes stress more than parents and friends checking in each month
If you already told them - lie and say you are taking a hiatus (lying bad - stress worse!)
Fresh is supposed to work better - frozen is safer
If you are going to conceive, you will - I'd go with safer every time
Anonymous vs. known is the same as simple vs. complicated with lots of shades of gray
- go with what will work for you today and 27 years from now (friends don't always last and many things change when the babies arrive) my 2 cents.
Drink Raspberry leaf tea (really!)
MOST IMPORTANT - and I learned this from my doctor so it has to be true
Just after the sperm is inserted, a humongous life-altering
orgasms really helps the little swimmers along - TRUE
No baths too hot - but do soak to relax
Don't stop using your body. Pregnancy does not equal fragile and you need to be healthy and active the whole time,
unless your MD says no
Be open to any gender and temperment and welcome the baby in your heart and mind
And then just breathe again
The child that is meant to come - will

Lastly - if pregnancy does not come easily.
Cherish your body before you decide to use medical intervention. It can work, but is harsh.
A dyke with PMS is bad, on fertility drugs - look out!
The right child will come and can come in many forms.
it's the first step in knowing that the child is really the one in charge.
Good luck!