Friday, June 12, 2009

ahh the rollercoaster! Advice to a sad dad.

Dear Evolved Moms:
We adopted our son five months ago, he is now one. I have been home the whole time but now I must return to work. I am feeling torn between being with him and losing my mind being home. Can anyone but us care for him like we do? The job is okay – pays the bills but my husband and I have to work to keep on moving up. Will he be okay? Will I?

Sad Pop

Dear Sad Pop:

Welcome to the rollercoaster of parenting man. And this is just the first stop!
I learned very early on
That I knew nothing about parenting
And our son taught me everything
When he smiled – I knew I did it right
When he cried I knew it was wrong
As soon as I had something down pat, suddenly, he grew
And that skill no longer worked
Parenting is about playing catch up
Every six months
They seem to fully evolve
Listening to your kids and learning with them each day
Letting them lead the way

But the bigger lessons are about life
What do you spend time on, what gives a bit, what matters most?

We have always felt that family comes first
But still work, meetings, people, cleaning – life seems to get in the way of life
A year ago last October
My wife was diagnosed with MS
And clearly it was time for a life pause
Not everyone needs such a universal wakeup call
But for us it was an important moment
don’t get me wrong – MS way sucks
but it also gave us a bit of a blessing

The little shit in life just doesn’t matter
People bickering at work
Bad drivers
Family politics
People who waste my time
Sweeping the floor
Hours of being home or away
It all suddenly mattered less

I am not saying quit your job and move your gay family to the woods either
But all of the details
The stresses
The bull
Make it matter less
Your boy is going to get older no matter what
He will love you in a big house or a small one
With a huge job or part-time one
In childcare or homeschooled
He will love you
No matter what you do
He will love you
But he needs you happy
Satisfied by life

We have a short time
To enjoy and celebrate our families
This time around
In this life
I am going to savor every moment

When my wife and I need to go out
So be it – we get a sitter
If we want to stay in – super we are with the kids
No childcare
Work or don’t work
Some are made to home school
Some are not
Some are made to work 80 hours a week
Some are not
What matters is the happiness
Find work your love
Find hobbies you enjoy
Love your family
And enjoy

It’s less about the time
Of course others can care for him

It’s the stress and worry that take time
and quality away

no worries, be happy now
do do do do do do do do do do do do don’t worry…

Evolved Mom - Stacey

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At July 08, 2009 8:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN!! We just adopted a little boy last year, and because I was unable to take maternity, I did not have the ability to spend time with our son for as long as I wanted before turning to work (just 3 weeks).

More importantly, I made the most of my time off and have made every moment I have with him as special as possible. I may work a lot, but he still loves me and smiles every morning when he wakes to see me and runs into my arms every night when I come home from work.

Stacey is right, life is too short. I nearly lost my wife just prior to our son coming home, and has since diagnosed with an advanced form of Lupus. Yes, as she so lovingly put it "it sucks" but gives your life perspective and with that each day with our son matters more than ever before. Follow your heart, your spirit and with that you should find YOUR answer.

At July 13, 2009 8:14 AM , Blogger It's Daddies. Plural. said...

I too was a SAD for the for three months we had our daughter, Kensington, and it was the best time ever. The transition back to work was easier for me, because we found a great child care center that we interviewed and came to trust. Plus, I was able to use some vacation time one day a week (and my husband did the same) so we each could spend pne full day with her, in addition to the weekends. For that new SAD transitioning, I found some great resources at, where gay and straight dads talk about parenting.


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