Monday, February 25, 2008


This weekend
our kids were looking at buttons they bought in New York
on vacation
last year
My daughter who is almost five
pointed to one which read
"hate is not a family value" and confidently read it to us
"GAY" she said
Then she pointed to a rainbow one
Then to one which said "I love my gay family"
she said again
Jessie, my wife pointed to herself
"GAY" she said with a laugh
Zion, now almost 8
then pointed to himself
"GAY" he said
"no wait"
"straight" he said
"no wait"
"Mommy, I am a STRAY"
that's what you are when you don't know yet
if you are straight or gay
"I am a STRAY"
happy as punch he skipped away
very pleased with his new title
"don't know yet"
You just have to love this live
don't ya?

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

clinton or obama? - advice

Dear Evolved Moms: So what do we do? 2 great candidates. one african american and one woman. How great but how do we choose? Undecided in Ohio.

Dear Undecided:
Before the Massachusetts primary

we got a call
from our neighbor across the street
She was calling for obama
and assumed
that as we have black children
that he was our man
Several people have also assumed
that we are for hilary
because we are women
and honestly I am offended
that those who know us
albeit not close frinds
assume that we would make any desicions based solely on race or gender
On top of all of our opintions and concerns and worries
you bet I'd love to have a black man or a woman at the helm
hell yes I would
and how wonderful to have these choices!
But for me this is not about
race or gender
and I do have an opinion
after research and struggle
after looking at the history
after weighing and balancing issues
for my house it's hilary
but not because she 's a woman
although that adds a nice element to it all
her stance on healthcare
don't ask don't tell
her lack of religious and proselytizing rhetoric
for me
should not be religious
that's my line
no gender or race assumption
just what feel's right in this house
if obama gets the nomination
we would be there for him
both choices after all
are amazing
but I hope for hilary
her experience
her power
it's her time

Hope that helps
Evolved Mom Stacey

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Sunday, February 03, 2008

naming the baby - advice

Dear Evolved Moms: We are expecting a baby any day now. And just cannot decide on a name for her, or him... We don't want boring and don't want crazy. My wife wants to use a family name and I am unsure. The birth mom is having some beginning contractions - so time is of the essence. Any advice? sami

Dear Sami:

Congratz. When our son was born
we had no time at all
We signed up with an agency
and 4 months later we were
on a plane
flying to
without a name
We had talked about family names
(Isaac Israel - my grandfather's - a bit of a burden we thought)

we decided on Zion
zion national park
is our most favorite place to be
on earth
beautful powerful and serene
it just
felt right
We also felt the name was nice and short
easy to write with a big fat crayon
hard to make rhyming teases out of
had meaning
"holy place"

As for his last name
we decided to all take my name (harris)
at the prompting of my mother
(which was sweet and sort if shocking for her back then)
Middle name
Sun for our son
because we are still hippies at heart.
Our daughters name
meaning tender and chief
found it in a magical names book
a perfect fit
she now has more nick names than we can count
torin sage
baby sage
and her favorite
T Bone (really)

My advice
go with your gut
feel no pressure from others
and just try to make sure
it's a name that's hard to tease with
spacey stacey was not fun

also - I notice in Torins Pre-K class
that kids with big names
like christopher
really struggle to get their names on paper
I think shorter
or at leat a quick nickname is good

I try to think of what life would be like
for a tomboy like me
if my name had been
or lilly
and I am thankful
for a more neutral name
like stacey

and lastly
as gay as we are
I don't think our kids need to have names like
and just how many ellen
melissa's or Amy's can there really be in our community?

your child with make a name for themselves
regardless of the name
you give them
on paper
enjoy the process
and go with what feels right to you

By the way
I have never liked my name
could have been worse
but I have never
felt like it fit
so maybe
regardless of what we do as parents
our kids will want to find their own
that fits who they are as they find our who they are

I am on the lookout for a nickname that works
when I travel
most folks call me Boston
and I kinda like it now

blessings to the new little one!
Send us a picture - with the name!

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Friday, February 01, 2008

Crazy Mother

Last week at Ballet school
my son
was playing with a boy
you all know this boy
he has a lot of trouble
controlling himself
ever seeing any boundaries
he almost seems pathological at times
but you know he isn’t
just a kid with some issues
and no limits at home

I was walking the boys
to another building
when the boy turned
and slapped my son on the arm
so hard
so loud
so out of nowhere
that I immediately yelled at him to never touch my son that way again
I was caught off guard
such a strange moment
peaceful to insanity in 2 seconds
This kid has always made me edgy
he’s combustible
I think there is more latitude for boys
in ballet
because there are so few
that they seem to want to keep them
so he stays
and plagues me

I told the director that I had some serious concerns
and she decided to speak to the boys the following week

so Tuesday
as I waited with zion for class
the other boys mom
came up to me
in front of zion
in front of my 4 year old
in front of all of the children
and tried to engage me
in a fight
totally blind to boundaries
her face red
her hands clenched
I am not one to ever back down
I am just not good at it
but there were kids
my kids
and she was so in her own world
and then she yelled at zion
in front of us all
for no reason
and he looked at me
what did I do wrong he said?
nothing at all I said
looking at her

and I left
with my daughter
and had another mom
a sane one
stay with zion until class began
so I could contain myself
so I could talk to the director

my hands shaking
from this weird verbal assault
from fending off a high school level
purposeless bitch fight
in front of my kids

and then suddenly
in one second's time
this kid that has bugged me
for months
this kid that I have wanted to throttle
I had nothing but love for him
and a good dose of pity
even when he is rude
and distracting
and horrid
it is clearly all he has been taught
from mommy

It's amazing how important
this job
of parenting is
their little lives
their huge dreams
depending on us

I had to be an adult
control myself
walk away
and now I will begin
to love a kid
I despise
someone must

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