Friday, February 01, 2008

Crazy Mother

Last week at Ballet school
my son
was playing with a boy
you all know this boy
he has a lot of trouble
controlling himself
ever seeing any boundaries
he almost seems pathological at times
but you know he isn’t
just a kid with some issues
and no limits at home

I was walking the boys
to another building
when the boy turned
and slapped my son on the arm
so hard
so loud
so out of nowhere
that I immediately yelled at him to never touch my son that way again
I was caught off guard
such a strange moment
peaceful to insanity in 2 seconds
This kid has always made me edgy
he’s combustible
I think there is more latitude for boys
in ballet
because there are so few
that they seem to want to keep them
regardless
so he stays
and plagues me

I told the director that I had some serious concerns
and she decided to speak to the boys the following week

so Tuesday
as I waited with zion for class
the other boys mom
came up to me
yelling
in front of zion
in front of my 4 year old
in front of all of the children
and tried to engage me
in a fight
totally blind to boundaries
her face red
her hands clenched
fierce
animalistic
I am not one to ever back down
I am just not good at it
but there were kids
my kids
and she was so in her own world
and then she yelled at zion
in front of us all
for no reason
and he looked at me
what did I do wrong he said?
nothing at all I said
looking at her

and I left
with my daughter
and had another mom
a sane one
stay with zion until class began
so I could contain myself
so I could talk to the director

my hands shaking
from this weird verbal assault
from fending off a high school level
purposeless bitch fight
in front of my kids

and then suddenly
in one second's time
this kid that has bugged me
for months
this kid that I have wanted to throttle
suddenly
I had nothing but love for him
and a good dose of pity
even when he is rude
and distracting
and horrid
it is clearly all he has been taught
from mommy

It's amazing how important
this job
of parenting is
their little lives
their huge dreams
depending on us

I had to be an adult
control myself
walk away
and now I will begin
to love a kid
I despise
because
someone must

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