Monday, January 28, 2008

What is a woman? Advice

Dear EM: I found out this week that I cannot conceive. So weird. I am 31, a lesbian, partnered and I always thought, someday, I would find the girl of my dreams and have a family. And now all I feel is that I am less than a woman. Maybe not a woman. I never thought of this possibility. Not sure I have a Q for you. ...Depressed

Dear Depressed: So many of us out there
have been though this
in one form or another
I tried for two years
fertility drugs
cycles
ultrasounds
sperm...
I put my body though every test
to try and determine
what was wrong
with me
so much stress and time and money
did I mention stress?
I went for IVF once
and that was the line for us
why risk my health
my body
for a baby??
That was when I realized
having a baby
would never define me
or make me less
or more
or different

There are many ways to make a family
looks like you are on the right road
the right girl
won't care if the baby comes out of you
or her
or another
only that you will love and cherish forever

one day
years after our fertility process was done
I was joking around
with my wife
about having cramps
why the hell
should I get them if I am barren?
she looked at me shocked
so worried I was upset
but I was cracking up
it was all so silly
after time
and mourning
and healing
there was life
for us
it came from another
a birth mom
and 3 years later
another
from my wife

I am no less a woman
because I did not carry
I feed
and nurture
and changed poopy diapers

I am the Barrenness
my superhero name
I am powerful
I am woman
you are powerful
you are woman
nothing can stop us

when life moves
and time passes
and you can zoom out
you will see
being a woman
is what you have always been
and will always be

and you are lovely

EM - Stacey

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