Wednesday, February 15, 2012

History of Me

I wonder
how history affects me
mine and the world's

I have black children
From the beginning I have dressed them up
perhaps over dressed to the point of preppy
shiny, polite, knowing appropriate manners and etiquette
so no one could ever judge, point, assume, falsely accuse
but of course the judgement comes
by virtue of life and history and the color of their skin

I wonder how much my history affects our daily lives
I was born to an american army doctor
who was given a choice
Vietnam or Munich
even so close after the Holocaust - Germany seemed safer
I was born to Jews
who were snuck matzoh by the army base priest
to parents who chose a Catholic name for their son and put him in catholic school
in Germany
I was born there.
While my father delivered another baby, I came to be

back in America
I went to Hebrew school, never said cancer or poop or sex, out loud
at 13 my head was x-rayed
while getting my braces on
for my nose job
it was expected of me
that was my mother's history
to blend

and still I wonder how much it has dictated and
on some level
directed my life
my kids' lives
We live in a world that is so fast
we forget the past but it still seems to have control

I am a radical
I am conservative
I believe in monogamy
I am anti-drug
I am sober
I believe kids need a parent at home
I am a lesbian
I have tattoos
my children are black
I am spiritual
I am adamant to the point of rage about gay marriage and equality
I believe women have the right to control their bodies
and to abortion
but I know I could never have one

am I a walking contradiction?
or am I the new world
I acknowledge
that history
world and mine
informs my every move
and that of my family

I accept that I will try to cure all ails with food
but I will also love
I accept that I will never (loudly) say cancer or poop
but I will speak honestly of them when asked.
I can say sex loudly. got over that one.
and I did NOT have my nose fixed

so mote it be


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