Monday, June 12, 2006

real mother

I held him when he was 5 hours old
changed his first meconium poop
panicked at his first real injury - a hand caught in a treadmill (he was okay)
I have answered the call to every nightmare, recital, practice, tear and need
I have napped with, been napped upon, been up all night, been yelled at, and bear hugged
I have been blessed, loved, inspired by and fallen in love
with this boy
my son

last night
he said to me
as we were talking before bed
Are you my real mother?
a girl at school, who is also African American
told him I could not be - as I am white
and that his "real mother" could have kept him - if she wanted to

I knew the day would come
we have been very honest and open
yet still I dreaded hearing those words
wishing I could have been there and protected or moderated the moment
Yes baby - mommy and mama are your real mothers
You also have a birth mother
but a mother does not need to be called "real"
A mother loves you everyday, good or bad, and is there for all - everyday- forever

I waited for the next question. He looked like it was going to be a big one
one of the ones I have feared
Like why did she, or am I not good enough...
He looked at me so seriously and asked
what did the plane look like on your trip to get me?

All my worries.
All he needed was one question answered.
I am sure many more will come in time
and I will answer them all honestly

Today at school he walked up to his friend
I stood next to him and smiled at her
she is only 6
and not adopted - I know it is confusing
"real moms aren't the ones who give birth to you - they are ones that love you everyday"
he told her and then said to me
"I feel better mama"

Can you get more real than that?
what a blessing
I have been given


At June 13, 2006 6:43 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...

Wow, reading that gave me goose bumps and made me cry. Our little boy came to us when he was 6 months old. His birth mother is my wife's cousin and there is an amazing resemblance between my wife and him. I, on the other hand, don't look a thing like them. I am short, dark and brown headed, they are both blonde and with fair complexions. I'm also 43 and my wife is 29. I am asked if he is my grandson all of the time and that really drives me crazy. Anyway, when he was a toddler we started telling him he was adopted and that he has two mommies so that adoption wouldn't be a strange word when he got older. I even sing a silly little song to the tune of Frere Jacque that goes like this....
Who's adopted
Who's adopted
David Bunn
David Bunn
David is adopted
David is adopted
He's our son
He's our son

I know it is silly, but I don't want him to wake up one day and be surprised to find out he is adopted. He is 3 1/2 years old now and he loves that he has a Mama and a Baba. He doesn't ask about a Daddy, but he talks about Daddy's sometimes. No one is really sure who his birth Father is so we just tell him that some kids have Mama's and Daddy's and some have 2 Mama's etc etc. He says ok and is on his way. I'm sure there will come a time when he asks more questions and he will probably get picked on. We live in the deep south and we aren't always the most accepted people in the world. I just hope he is strong and knows how much we love him. Have a great day and give your son a big hug from me!

At June 27, 2006 5:24 PM , Anonymous Corinna said...

Every damn time I read your blog I cry. You & J are such amazing mama/mommys. Blessings to you & beautiful Z for being 'real', keeping it 'real', everyday.

At July 19, 2006 10:30 PM , Anonymous Michelle said...

Beautiful. I too fear the questions that one day will come.

Ask my 3 yr old what adoption is and she will tell you that it means you get to stay with your family forever.

If only every question could have such a simple answer.

At July 26, 2006 12:28 PM , Blogger Sonya said...

I stumbled across your site through a friends site.

This post is awesome. What a wonderful conversation between the two of you.

Way to go!

At October 19, 2006 7:33 PM , Blogger sammy_bunny said...

That is such a cute picture!

At November 07, 2006 8:11 PM , Blogger Shelli said...

Um, I'm all verklempt here. As a white mom of a black baby, I get it.

OH how I get it.

pass the tissue, please. I have to go hug my baby.


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