Sunday, February 19, 2006

Your Day - Advice to a Worried Texan

This situation kills me first – then just pisses me off!

“Wanting Understanding” wrote to us from Texas.
They are ready to get married but her father not only refuses to walk her down the aisle – but even to attend. “How do I get him to realize how important this is to us?” she writes.

When people discuss wanting a child, I often tell them this:
This child of someday
Is a person
And before you dream your dream
Before you buy the crib or booties or toys or mini-Harley
Remember this
Someday this little person
may choose another path than yours
another religion, or educational path or career
maybe they will marry someone of a different race, or choose to not have a children
maybe they will be single forever, or gay or a T or unsure for their lives
maybe even a republican or, dare I say, an NRA card-holder
or maybe they will choose to be nothing, offer nothing and drift though life
but your job as their parent
is to love them
and to love them fiercely
to assist in guiding their choices and support the ones they make – forever, and without strings
I am sure one of mine will be "Alex P. Keaton” for a time – Zion already would prefer ties to jeans, and Torin, no matter how hard I refuse to make the purchase, just wants to be a princess and have a Barbie
But, luckily, Zion does, too!
As long as neither gets Barbie's anorexia or horrid self-image or dainty un-sports-able ankles
I’ll be fine

Your wedding day
the happiest day of your life
is yours forever
Having someone there who truly does not bless it in his heart
may just really taint your day
your day
your day
say it
“My Day”
This is your dream, your life
your love to share
And all those who witness are blessed to do so
and all those who miss out
have missed witnessing a blessing and a miracle
and that is punishment enough

I urge you to be open and love fiercely
To shout out to the world through all of your guests that you accept no less than this perfect love and in fact
You demand the world take note
Your day is real
Your day
is yours
Being invited was a true gift on your part to someone
who has failed in his job
Maybe someday he will come around
many do
and maybe it will be awesome on that day
But this day is yours

Jessie and I wore no shoes
Eleven months after we met we were married
before the law recognized
A Pagan, Unitarian, Native-American ceremony
That was what we wanted
on our day
Many came and blessed us
some did not
Many blessed later – much later
some have not
But our day was truly unmarred
because we made it
Our day

Blessings for your day!


At February 20, 2006 7:17 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...


Congratulations and enjoy your day and your wonderful new life together. When my wife and I got married we were in Atlanta at Pride Weekend and the only person there to witness us was my oldest daughter. We were all happy and crying and it was amazing. We have been together for almost 8 years now and some people accept us and some don't. We learn to ignore the negative and bask in the positive and that's what is important.
CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage!!

Take Care,

At February 21, 2006 9:30 AM , Blogger SkyMama said...

Sky and I are reading your blog together...looking back over the last PBS post (we missed that one), Sky keeps wanting to see the picture of you and Jessie..."What are Auntie Stacey & Auntie Jessie doing?" He asks, over and over again (typical two-year old). "They're kissing", I say. He isn't satisfied with this answer. Finally he says "They're getting married!" How does he know this? Did he see this picture recently? I know he was there, we were both honored to share your special day, for me--honored to share in both of your weddings--but he can't remember that day, can he???

Regardless, how lucky my boy is that the first three weddings he witnessed were same-sex couples. Makes me proud to live in Mass.

At February 21, 2006 6:27 PM , Blogger cari said...

Stacey - A truly beautiful post! I hope you don't mind that I printed out the 'Child of Someday' portion to share with friends. What an awesome summation of our job as parent - great advice for prospective parents!

My partner and I also had a barefoot ceremony. The friends we invited came and a handful of family showed. Of the family members that did not participate, only my grandparents thought enough to explain why they weren't coming and I respect them for taking the time to do so. They support us and participate in our lives in every other way. Those that ignored the invites, my parents and most of my extended family, missed out on a beautiful celebration of our love (not to mention some delicious food!) By the time our day arrived though I was really O.K. with the fact that some would not share in our celebration. I just took the same attitude I did when I came first came out to them - This is my life, I am here for me, I love you, but your disapproval will not alter my path. Or as my partner likes to sum it up, "This is my gig!"

Stay focused on the positive and congrats on your big day!



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