Mr. Pres. Thanks.

I don't need the Constitution

to show me

how amazing

and true

and blessed I am

by this love

but I would be damn happy

to have it

Hell yes.

Thanks Man

seperate and not equal

Dear Evolved Moms:
This winter I went skiing with my whole family, my wife and kids and my sister and her partner and kids, a few cousins and our parents. Our whole family is super accepting of my sister being gay and her family is treated exactly the same as mine. I am writing because the whole week my sister kept making me feel like her family was in some way… better, I don’t know, more important, more unique than mine. I thought we were al l the same now, equal – especially in this family. What do you think I should do?
Straight Brother Markus

Hey Brother Markus!
First off – LOVE YOU! For your support
Your love of family and your sister
For being there and caring enough to ask

You are totally right and also a bit not all at the same time
We do all WANT equality and we all feel the same inside
We have the same talks in our homes
Same dreams
We all hate to clean (unless we are PMSing)
We all dream for our children
Clean the kitty litter boxes with disgust
Worry
Stress and laugh
We all give love and want love
We all want approval
But Brother Markus
Things are not the same

Let me break it down

When you go skiing in Utah
Life is always easy
Amazing snow
Great temperatures
Chairlifts go right to the base of the mountain
Life is good
Most of the time you can ski and get a tan all in one day
And that is what it is like in the US for a man and women to get married
And have a family
There is no hitch, no limit, no barrier

Now not so long ago in the US
Gay marriage and the creation of gay families
Were like skiing on the desert of Nevada in august
Just could not happen

Now I would say
It’s a bit more like skiing in New England
You never know the weather
You will need a lot of help from snow machines and luck to make it happen
Sometimes it will work
But most of the time there will be ice and rocks and
Long lines and frost bite
And impassible roads
and it’s really damn expensive!
And on some days,
If yu are extremely luck
And patient
And live IN new England (or Iowa) you just might have a good day of skiing

You see your sister
Like all gay people who want a family
Still has to fight for her rights
For equal treatment
today
Even in Iowa
Or Vermont
Or even Massachusetts

We are burdened with explaining a lot
We teach all the time
Just by existing
We have to protect ourselves
Filter input
Choose battles
And protect our kids
In very different way that you have to
Every day
Day after day
We have extra burdens still
Historic, legal and real

Even in an amazing families like yours
That love and accept – there was still a journey
Years of fear, DOMA, prop 8, don’t ask don’t tell
We are seperate and not equal
Not yet…

On your road to marriage and family I am sure there were twists and turns
But for your sister
There were roadblocks
Emotional, legal, physical
And to get to the end
To marriage and family
Took muscle
Took skill
Took bravery
Took planning
Took money
Took time

You two are the same
Family is the same
Love is the same
But our roads
Our not yet equal
And are a long way from being flat
Thank you for loving her
And caring
That is what will lessen the load

Evolved mom Stacey

What is a family - Advice

Dear Evolved Moms,

My parents, in no uncertain terms, HATE that I am gay. They refused to attend my wedding and now that we are pregnant, I know will not be involved as grandparents. I hate this. My happy = they are sad and angry. I cannot win. What can I do? From Alone.

Dear Alone. You are not alone. In my life - family is what you create.

This is some of my family. My partner, my son and daughter (neither biologically from me) my best friend since 16, her husband and their son Sky, who is their cousin.

For many years I felt I walked alone
Even when my “family” was there
My parents always seemed to want me different
Tried to change me
Send me away, to get helpinterveneinterfere
But really
It was to make meJust like them
And less like me

When I found happiness and love
Away from them
They were not happy for me
Like you, they did not attend my wedding 13 years ago
In fact, they left the country for a trip
Although not much later,
They were willing to fly to another country, for a friends wedding
- interesting I thought

She is too young for you, said my mother
Once she told a woman – “she will be with a man next”
But truly she was the least of my worries, my father far worse,
on many levels
As time went on and our love grew
We learned to be a family differently from the restBetter I think
Different in that we do not argue or scream
I do not ask her to change
And I love her unconditionally
When our children came
we shared that love and teaching with them
We chose grandparents, aunts and uncles
Godparents and friends
Who also love them unconditionally
And our family of love I feel is now bursting
And amazing

To be fair
My mother
Who I never thought would evolve
Has truly evolved
She is a great grandma
And three years ago
When marriage became legal here she came,
with flowers and asked us to kiss for a picture
She has consistently been there ever since
But so have the scars of the past
And honestly
My father
Is completely unchanged
And darkAnd I have let that struggle goAnd you may too

Sometimes it is not what we lack
It is what we create that fulfills
I do not compare us to other families,
We are different
And stronger I feel

Do I morn the traditional parents?
Of course
Do I hate the past?
Of course
Do I rage?
At timesDo I cry when there are few to help with the kids?Few birthday cards?Few people to visit?SometimesAm I jealous?Occasionally
Do I hate?
Less and less
But would ever trade my happiness
for any false family or half loveNEVER.
Your family is how you love and with whom you love
Focus on the blessings, it sounds like there are many
Allow yourself to morn
be proud
Change for no one
And teach that amazing baby
to love