History of Me

Sometimes

I wonder

how history affects me

mine and the world's

I have black children

From the beginning I have dressed them up

perhaps over dressed to the point of preppy

shiny, polite, knowing appropriate manners and etiquette

so no one could ever judge, point, assume, falsely accuse

but of course the judgement comes

by virtue of life and history and the color of their skin

I wonder how much my history affects our daily lives

I was born to an american army doctor

who was given a choice

Vietnam or Munich

even so close after the Holocaust - Germany seemed safer

I was born to Jews

who were snuck matzoh by the army base priest

to parents who chose a Catholic name for their son and put him in catholic school

in Germany

I was born there.

While my father delivered another baby, I came to be

back in America

I went to Hebrew school, never said cancer or poop or sex, out loud

at 13 my head was x-rayed

while getting my braces on

for my nose job

it was expected of me

that was my mother's history

to blend

and still I wonder how much it has dictated and

on some level

directed my life

my kids' lives

We live in a world that is so fast

technology

politics

TMZ

we forget the past but it still seems to have control

I am a radical

I am conservative

I believe in monogamy

marriage

I am anti-drug

I am sober

I believe kids need a parent at home

I am a lesbian

I have tattoos

my children are black

I am spiritual

magical

Pagan

I am adamant to the point of rage about gay marriage and equality

I believe women have the right to control their bodies

and to abortion

but I know I could never have one

am I a walking contradiction?

or am I the new world

I acknowledge

that history

world and mine

informs my every move

and that of my family

I accept that I will try to cure all ails with food

but I will also love

I accept that I will never (loudly) say cancer or poop

but I will speak honestly of them when asked.

I can say sex loudly. got over that one.

and I did NOT have my nose fixed

so mote it be