Monday, November 19, 2007

Teen Angst - Advice to gay parents "who know nothing!"

Dear Evolved Moms: Our teenage daughter (15) is in the depth of teenage angst. Dating, moods, anger... For the first time ever she has been saying that we couldn't possibly understand what she is going though as "we are lesbians and she is NOT". She has always been a huge supporter of our family and so proud that we were gay and out parents. How could she suddenly change so drastically? What can we do? We miss our baby girl! moms from Minnesota.

Dear Moms from Minnesota. Your baby girl is growing up. No matter how hard it is to accept, she is trying to separate from you, they all do and they all need to. I think you may be missing the point a bit. She does not sound to me like she is suddenly no longer supportive of your being gay, she just sounds like a teenager.

Sounds like she needs a few things from you:

1) Space
Although it sucks, we all must give the kids room to grow
even when we don't want to
they need to now they can fly
2) New conversation
It sounds like you need a new seat
she is not against you
or against being gay
she is finding herself
and maybe she does see you as different
Try to remember how you were when you were coming out
I was ANGRY
I was blue hair
Donahue talk show
serial dating
tattoo
p-town
president of the GLBT club
in your face crazy

That's a teenager
pushing boundaries
to see where she fits
to try to find some meaning in all of her changes

Might be time to tell her what coming out felt like
I am assuming your parents were straight
and you couldn't relate
talk to her
she may need to hear you get it

3) hardest one
Maybe she needs someone else to talk to
an adult that she feels she can relate to right now
don't take it as threatening
or a diss
she loves you, your the moms and always will be
but the more trustworthy adult friends a kid has
in this big complicated world
the better

sounds like you raised an amazing kid
who is not shy about speaking her mind
and talking about her feelings
Very important skills I'd say!!

Let her be vocal
and give her love
you found your own path
help her find her own
she will find one
back to you
I assure you

But during the process
I also recommend for you guys
a kick boxing class, yoga and homeopathic stress remedies

No one said the teenage years
would be stress free

Good luck!

Evolved Mom Stacey

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