Monday, October 29, 2007

Sex and Pareting - can they co-exist? Advice

Dear Evolved Moms: When our kids were little, other than being too tired, or having a baby in the bed with us, I had no worries about sex. But now that they are able to get around and understand the world a bit, I am constantly worried about them walking in on us, peeking in out of curiosity, and understanding what we are doing. Thinking about the kids is definitely putting a damper on things. Any advice? Love, two dads who love each other and want to love MORE!

Dear Love Dads, I hear ya! Kids can complicate things in the bedroom that’s for sure! Once the kids are out of your bed and you are feeling rested we all want to heat things up again in the bedroom! Worrying about what will happen to the kids if the see, hear or even thinking about kids can kill a mood for sure!

Friends of mine - two dads - told me this story recently. Their boys were in bed and they were...greatly enjoying each other in the middle of the night, when one of their twins opened the door and walked in.

Daddy A flew off the bed and crashed onto the floor full force. Daddy B buried himself under the covers

"What’s papa doing on the floor daddy?”
“I am looking for shoes son"
(try to hear this in a thick southern accent – so much funnier and just how they sounded!)
"you need them now?"
"Yes son, I need them right now"
"okay, can I have some water?"
"Sure son, as soon as I get the right pair of shows for tomorrow I’ll be right there"

Child was fine. Daddies laughed forever, and finished with each other after, a little boy was back in bed, and all three had a glass of much needed water.

Parenting does complicate sex
But it certainly does not end things
Like all aspects of parenting - sex needs to change a bit

Sneaking becomes more fun
An occasional sick day where you are both suddenly home is greatly recommended
Date nights
Heavily enforced nap/quiet times have been known to work for quick rendezvous
Don’t forget play dates!
Make it fun
Be inventive
I know it might not be fun to be more quiet
less crazy at certain times
or to have to plan a bit more
But just think of what you might be able to create with a bit of forethought!!

Kids won’t break or be permanently damaged by some strange noises
or the fact that you are suddenly locking the door
or having some date nights
or giggling and having inside jokes
You are still there if they need you - always
But dammit right now – your husband needs you!!
Both can easily exist
And must
So relax
Get creative
And enjoy each other boys!!

Evolved Mom Stacey

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