Sunday, April 06, 2008

Sperm Allergy - Advice to a yucked out mama to be

Dear Evolved Moms: Do u think someone can be allergic to sperm? I know it's crazy but each time I go for an insemination session (4th month of trying) I feel totally gross, yucky and eventually itchy. Almost like a yeast infection. Am I crazy?

Dear Spermophobe: So, science first. There are actually a minority of people in the world who are allergic to sperm. According to Estronaut a web forum focusing on women's heath.

"Like just about any other substance, it is possible to be allergic to semen. An allergic reaction is the result of the immune system overreacting to a foreign substance. The immune system recognizes the presence of something that is not part of the body, and it rushes to the location where the unfamiliar material is detected."

For the record, actually being blessed with this allergy is extremely rare. So if you really believe this might be true, please go get checked out by your GYN and rule it out
before you read on.

Okay, now that you know you are not actually allergic to the nasty little suckers, let me offer you an alternative perspective.

If you are like me
or really like any other
red-blooded American
dyke on the planet
the idea of sperm completely freaks you out
you imagine creepy little faces swimming angrily in the test tube
and each and every little fishy
reminds you of the one time
you actually touched
or was close to having
to touch or see
an actual penis in high school
behind the bleachers
or playing truth or dare
or for me the memory is of larry's club house
on a rainy Saturday after Hebrew school
at 13
To be honest
I couldn't even type the word semen in this blog
I had to cut and paste it so I didn't have to
...shit .....I just wrote it... AHHHH

Okay, back to the point.
I think you have a big case of the Lezzies
look, sperm just ain't in our world, let alone our bodies!
totally normal and nothing to panic about

so without even charging you for an office visit
I have the perfect prescription for you

Focus with me

you want a baby with your wife
and, at least for now
try and try as you might (hee hee)
you just can't get her pregnant on your own
so you need something to get the ball rolling right?

Our 5 year old daughter
wanted to hear her birth story
after hearing her brother's adoption story
we told her we needed a special chemical
that a woman's body needs to make a baby
and the
doctor put it in mommy
and she began growing
and that is all you need
simple as that
all sperm is
is a faceless
non-childhood adolescent memory
to help you create your family.
Just like cars need gas to go
we need this awesome chemical called sperm
to get us moving

So focus on the result
and I bet the itch will go

Evolved Mom - Stacey

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At July 24, 2008 5:42 PM , Blogger xenobiologista said...

Is it possible she could be allergic or have some other kind of sensitivity to a chemical used in the insemination procedure, like a disinfectant? Do they disinfect your private parts? I don't know anything about the nuts and bolts of artificial insemination, just trying to come up with a simple explanation.


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