Is your biological clock ringing? Advice to people who want to know the "right time".

Dear Evolved Moms: When is the best time to have a baby? I've been with my partner for seven years and I'm the female in the relationship. My girlfriend is older than me and wants a child NOW, but she not willing to carry the child for nine months and I'm still in school. (She is eight years older then I) We have a donor already, but I don't know when is the best time. Should I wait until I graduate or should I have my baby before I graduate? I do want to have a child, but not sure when and my partner thinks she is getting old.

My easy answer is this:

There is no such thing as "the right time"

You will never have

at one time

the right house, with the picket fence

and enough money

and enough time

and perfect weight

ideal health care

the perfect job and

the best school system.

If you wait for ALL of those factors

you will probably never have a baby.

That said. A few things are important.

Just because she is unwilling to carry a child, does not mean you HAVE to.

The are many ways to create a family

getting pregnant is only one.

In my case, I tried for 2 years

and never got pregnant

nothing like that is for sure

And I do need to say for the record.

You are BOTH the females in the relationship

the roles you choose are yours to choose

but biology is biology

if she wants a baby so badly that she cannot wait

and does not want to adopt

let her get pregnant!

BOTH of your needs and wants matter

you do it next time when you are done with school.

As I see it age matters little

My wife is 6 years younger and infinitely more mature on most levels

So here are my factors:

1) You must truly be in love and stable

2) Trust your instincts

If you feel that being a mom during school is too hard

then that is extremely important

whether pregnancy or adoption

both are emotionally and in most cases physically taxing

hard to study and throw up at the same time

3) The decision is about 3 people and what is best for ALL of you as a unit

4) If the answer does not come easily, it's probably not time.

5) Taking a leap of faith is okay.

A child is a magical and uncontrollable force. You need to be ready for the roller coaster ride of your life. Beginning the process is just stepping into the seat. If you are ready to be flexible and go for that ride. Then it's time.

I'd love to hear what you decide.

Good luck!

Stacey