Thursday, June 28, 2007

Is your biological clock ringing? Advice to people who want to know the "right time".

Dear Evolved Moms: When is the best time to have a baby? I've been with my partner for seven years and I'm the female in the relationship. My girlfriend is older than me and wants a child NOW, but she not willing to carry the child for nine months and I'm still in school. (She is eight years older then I) We have a donor already, but I don't know when is the best time. Should I wait until I graduate or should I have my baby before I graduate? I do want to have a child, but not sure when and my partner thinks she is getting old.

My easy answer is this:
There is no such thing as "the right time"

You will never have
at one time
the right house, with the picket fence
and enough money
and enough time
and perfect weight
ideal health care
the perfect job and
the best school system.

If you wait for ALL of those factors
you will probably never have a baby.

That said. A few things are important.
Just because she is unwilling to carry a child, does not mean you HAVE to.
The are many ways to create a family
getting pregnant is only one.
In my case, I tried for 2 years
and never got pregnant
nothing like that is for sure
And I do need to say for the record.
You are BOTH the females in the relationship
the roles you choose are yours to choose
but biology is biology
if she wants a baby so badly that she cannot wait
and does not want to adopt
let her get pregnant!
BOTH of your needs and wants matter
you do it next time when you are done with school.

As I see it age matters little
My wife is 6 years younger and infinitely more mature on most levels

So here are my factors:
1) You must truly be in love and stable
2) Trust your instincts
If you feel that being a mom during school is too hard
then that is extremely important
whether pregnancy or adoption
both are emotionally and in most cases physically taxing
hard to study and throw up at the same time
3) The decision is about 3 people and what is best for ALL of you as a unit
4) If the answer does not come easily, it's probably not time.
5) Taking a leap of faith is okay.
A child is a magical and uncontrollable force. You need to be ready for the roller coaster ride of your life. Beginning the process is just stepping into the seat. If you are ready to be flexible and go for that ride. Then it's time.

I'd love to hear what you decide.

Good luck!



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